Freshman Finale!

It seems like only yesterday I was packing my book bag and driving down the mountain, taking a leap of faith into the unknown. It was scary and there was a pretty good learning curve, but that was mostly in the social realm. At times I thought it would never end, but mostly it flew by, especially after I got in the groove and started enjoying learning new things. Challenging myself is where I find that I am happy. I drifted at first and learned some valuable life lessons. Mostly that mistakes can help you find your strength and make you a better person. I had to learn that I needed to do somethings for me, and that it's not selfish, it is necessary for balance. Mom had always told us that life is not fair, and while I had experienced some of that in different jobs it was reiterated in the college environment. But I also found that when you try there are a few people with power that will do everything they can to help you succeed. I've been reminded that I have my weaknesses, but I also have found strength I didn't know I was capable of. Strength in being alone, stronger still by the people that don't see my independent spirit as a flaw. The future is full of possibilities and I'm looking forward to what lies in store.

Hanging out the wash.

I have so many memories of helping with the laundry as a young child. We didnt have a dryer and I used to hate it when it was one of my chores. I'd dawdle and play with the cats stretching the limits on the time I was allowed to leave my schoolwork. Grandma Spaid always had laundry hanging on her line. She only used the dryer when it was absolutely necessary. She taught me how to fold precisely, creating neat stacks in the basket right off the line. After all there was no practical sense in handling it twice and it gave you a few more moments outside. When I moved into my first house the clothes line was a definite plus, but I only used it when I had time. Spending most of my time in the barn created alot of laundry that was easier to stick in the dryer. The second house I lived in had no dryer but due to its location in the sunny south I could dry 3-4 loads of laundry in a day. When I started looking for a place near college I realized that a small yard and a clothesline were high on my priority list. So when I discovered that this place had both, I was thrilled. I couldn't wait to hang my laundry out once winter passed. It's funny how what used to be such drudgery now brings me so much joy.

Happiness

To be honest I struggle. I struggle with being back in West Virginia. I struggle with living alone even though I am stubbornly independent. I struggle with always being the old one in my college groups. I struggle with paying my bills. I struggle with not being able to go to church because of those bills. I struggle because I know that we'll meaning people judge me even though I am doing the best I can. I struggle to keep a smile on my face. I remember being so happy, but I found out that happiness was not from being in a certain place. It stemmed from being true to my heart and the Christian values I was raised on. When I focused on me, my acheivement, my loneliness it created discontent and I would not have been happy in the best of circumstances. So in a way I am going back to my roots. I can't change alot of the situation but I can take joy from the small things. Focusing on the reason I am here and being my adventurous self regardless of what people think has made a difference. I am strong and independent, but I am also sensitive and the criticism gets to me more than you will ever see. But I smile when I remember that this is not their journey. They have made their choices I have to make mine.

Stress Relief

As the semester goes on I grow more and more tense. Deadlines, tests and endless reading assignments bog me down. In the midst of the constant "gogogogogo" and hubbub of college drama, I find a little refuge in my welding class. I look forward to the monday night class achieve week. The friendly comraderie of the agriculture and forestry students helps me relax and in a way detox from the stress of the daily grind. This pleasant atmosphere lends much to the process of learning a productive skill, while having fun and practicing safety. In reality it is an art, a balance and a rhythm. Finding your inner balance steadies your hand and smoothes your work. The finished products show your progress as well as your strengths and weaknesses. We work together and help each other...we are similar to the metal we work with. We all have our rough spots and imperfections. But we build each other up and the principles we were raised on shine through. Humble, kind and stronger together.

This is the story of my life...

For the past nine months to a year I have been very negligent with my blog posts. Not because there was a lack of things to write about but because I got busy with living. You know, the daily hum-drum of the things necessary for function in society. In August I took a step of faith, (it felt more like a cliff lol) and started the journey to obtain a degree in Agriculture Education. Potomac State College is a rather small campus, but it was an excellent place to begin my studies. I experienced a few rough patches but managed to finish the semester with a 3.70 GPA. Christmas break flew by working and painting for the Bachtels. Christmas was fun and busy with our rapidly changing family. Levi is a little entertainer just like his daddy. New year's day found Isaiah and I once again ministering in Sucre, Bolivia. My heart and calling were refreshed and when I got the news that my boyfriend had moved on with his life I was some how able to say "THY WILL BE DONE". When you know God's got his hand on you it helps your perspective even when your emotions are a wreck. This semester has had its ups and downs but having my own quiet little apartment in downtown Keyser helps. What Eric told me is still true...I am good at picking places to have a hermitage. Lol. It may very well be a hermitage and I may have some stray kitty friends that frequent my door step, but that too is part of my story and the everyday things need talked about sometimes too.

Some remain, others change.

There are the things that we can always count on: sunrise, sunset, stars, seasons, death, tides, etc.
These things we have no control over. We simply accept them. Some identify these as the laws of nature or the results of them. I, however, have chosen to believe that every single one of these things is the result of a Higher power. Someone that holds the control of these steadfast things in the palm of his hand. You may say that I am brainwashed, that science has an explanation for the how and why these things exist. But there is one thing that science cannot explain. What is the purpose?
This question has been at the root of every persons being. The answer can be found in the things that we have the power to change. The simple smile that changes someone's whole day. The friendly wave or a quiet hug that lets them know that you care. You, be that one that makes the difference. Be the change that you wish to see in the world.

Becoming "Auntie"

The late hours of February 25th, while I was preparing to go to sleep on my mom's couch, my little brother met his son! Via C-section due to the fact that he is a big boy and his mommy is on the tiny side. It is both amazing and startling to realize my little brother is a daddy. Only 10 months ago I cried at his wedding upon the realization that our childhood is long past and our ornery adventures are now memories. Now I look at him with his mini-me. I see the protective pride on his face and know that his shoulders have grown to accept the responsibility of a family. I swallow the lump in my throat and take JJ in my arms. I study his tiny face and pray that he grows up to be a man that honors God. His tiny fingers wrap around one of mine and the realization that this tiny person has just a surely wrapped himself around my heart. You know that thing they say about falling in love at first sight, well its true, only not in the sense that they intended. When I change his diaper I know that one day this little guy will be taller than me. I pat his back to burp him and I wonder how much time I will get with him. I am preparing to embark on a journey to get a higher education, by the time I finish, he will be in kindergarten or first grade. It makes me want to hang on to every second and make it last forever. After all I wouldn't be Auntie if it wasn't for him.

Smile...

It will make them wonder what you are up to. Quote that should be famous by my Dad, Rick Spaid.

Waves

I cried by reason of mine affliction unto the Lord, and he heard me; out of the belly of hell cried I, and thou heardest my voice.
For thou hadst cast me into the deep, in the midst of the seas; and the floods compassed me about: all thy billows and thy waves passed over me.
Then I said, I am cast out of thy sight; yet I will look again toward thy holy temple.
The waters compassed me about, even to the soul: the depth closed me round about, the weeds were wrapped about my head.
I went down to the bottoms of the mountains; the earth with her bars was about me for ever: yet hast thou brought up my life from corruption, O Lord my God.
When my soul fainted within me I remembered the Lord: and my prayer came in unto thee, into thine holy temple.

Life's waves can overwhelm me, but then I remember. I turn my eyes back to Jesus and I can walk the stormy waters when I'm holding to his hand.

It's the simple things...

... the things that are still there when your life is stripped down to the bare essentials. The people that still love you when you feel unlovable. The ones that still have your back when the going gets tough and you have nowhere to turn. The things that remind you of how rich you really are, not dependent on the amount of possessions you have. It has nothing to do with what you want or even what you have. It's family gathered together for Sunday dinner. It's when the kid cousins run to greet you with great big hugs. It's making homemade ice-cream and thinking of Grand-Pap and all the good times we had together. It's drinking Coffee and thinking of Dani and all the pots of coffee we drank together. It's when a Bolivian street child grabs your hand and looks up into your face. It's laughing till you cry over an inside joke during a card game. It's a message that lights up your phone screen when you are feeling lonely. It's an arm that steals around you shoulders and draws you close. It's truly the simple things.

A few of my favorites.

...When I am feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things, then I don't feel so bad.

Sunshine and blue skies
Katniss' snuggles
Good strong Coffee with a shot of bourbon
Ruger's loyal company
Walking on the beach
Old books and hot tea on a rainy day
Watching "Grimm" and drinking wine with some of the best friends God put in my life
Singing with my siblings around my Grandma's piano
Trying new restuarants
Going new places
The smell of freshly plowed ground the spring time
Singing camp songs around a bonfire
Hugs from my Bolivian brothers and sisters
Riding motorcycle anywhere
Big jacked-up trucks (especially mine)
The smell of diesel fuel at the tractor pull
Watching the stars at night
Playing the piano in an empty church
Hiking and camping, experiencing the beauty of God's creation
Hoopy-hoppers with my sis
Driving a John Deere 2020 tractor
Sitting on the anvil, talking to my dear wise friend by the wood stove
Playing board games and doing puzzles
Visiting and laughing with my 93 year old Grandma V
Hugs from my little-not-so-little brother
The smell of freshly mixed tmr and the quiet calm of the dairy barn
The Vista in Sucre
The miracle of newborn animals
Driving down the open highway with my windows down and the radio up
Country music
Making homemade ice cream
Mudding with my bros
Making people laugh and smile
Fishing with Abby and Sarah
Hunting turkeys and deer
Flying, especially take-off
The satisfaction of a job well done
Learning new things
Surprises and fun secrets
Holding hands and long walks
Swimming in the river or ocean either one
Buckwheat cakes and sausage gravy
Old fashioned gentlemen that treat me like a lady even though they know that I can do it myself
Pizza, sweet potatoes, fresh fruit, kale and avocados, not necessarily together...

This is far from being a complete list but this is a glimpse of the blessings I have in my life.
Mostly, my favorite things are people and the memories I have with them. They are what keep me going when the going gets tough. They are the reminders that this path I am traveling is worth it. They are my sunshine when skies are grey. When I feel down and out they make me smile again. When I get off track and lose focus they point me in the right direction again. They are my team and I know I can count on them to have my back. 'Thank you' seems small in comparison to the difference you all make in my life. I can surely say that I am blessed.

Hiding...

Hidden beneath picturesque blanket of snow there are dormant plants, hibernating bug larvae, decaying leaves, and dirt that will turn to mud in the spring thaw. Other things we cannot see lie there, things that have the potential to harm us if tripped over or stepped upon.

We can learn two lesson from the allegory of the snow. The first is that life is like the snow. It can be intimidating, uncomfortable and unpredictable. We have the choice to ignore it, hibernate from it, hate it, tolerate it, accept it, or deal with it.  

The second lesson is that each of us is also like the snow. You see a beautiful surface, a mask if you will, but there are things in all of us, even in the "good" ones that are shameful, dark and unsavory. All of us are fully human and not a one of us are any where close to perfect. Some have more appealing redeeming qualities, but the cold hard truth is that everyone has made mistakes and bad choices formed bad habits and will continue to do so till time ceases to exist. We are incapable of fixing our selves or changing the humanity of our hearts. Our only solution is to accept our own raw, rugged, real humanity and to realize that it is the same instinctual humbling flesh that we judge our brothers for. Lay it aside and open yourself to receive and give the grace that covers a multitude of sins.

...Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow...

Days of recollection.

I am at a point of evaluation in my life. I am on the brink of a new direction. My thoughts turn back to the familiar, to the things I know, things that are tried, true and proven. Lessons I've lived and learned throughout the years, come to remembrance. There are many new and exciting experiences in the future, waiting for me to turn the page and embark into the unknown. I pause to reflect on what brought me to this moment and made me who I am. So many people, places and events flood my mind. Memories of yesteryear, that really was not that long ago, but seems so far away. A few short years past, I was working hard to achieve my dream of my own farm. My passion for agriculture has only grown, only in an entirely different direction than I had anticipated. I did not know that the things I had worked so hard for would be gone, nor that a simple mission trip would change my whole perspective in life. Little by little God has been working in and changing my life, preparing me to serve and make a difference in ways that I never dreamed possible. It is both exciting and a little scary, but I know who goes before me and where He leads he will provide. Quirky things about my personal preferences and talents are starting to make sense. A knack for Spanish, an adventurous spirit, a taste for spicy foods, love for the earth God has given us to care for and cultivate and an unquenchable desire to make a difference...they are not random or coincidental, rather they are instruments of confirmation that I am on the path that God has called me to walk. Slowly I start to see the puzzle pieces falling into place. I must trust Him for the future, knowing my Creator's plan is best. One step at a time, one day at a time.

Silver Linings.

This Summer in North Carolina the days were filled with sunshine. At first I was thankful for every drop of golden sunlight. In the morning I would receive the dawning sun with joy, tracing it's daily path through the sky till it disappeared into the chorus of dusk, till it's morning resurrection. The days passed quickly and as I quickened my pace to match the demand of the growing season. My spirit of thanksgiving faded without my realization. You forget about the things you have every day...till they are gone. One day I woke up and the sun had disappeared. Angry clouds marched across the sky and a bitter cold wind out of the northeast bit into my skin and down to the core of my being. In that moment I did not remember the months of sunshine and blue skies. Without thought I complained. This was not my idea of a good time and I mumbled and grumble while I clumsily fumbled about my tasks with benumbed fingers and chapped hands and cheeks.it seems silly now because I knew the summer would not last forever. I knew the cold days of winter would eventually come. I knew that life is not all sunshine and flowers. But while I was comfortable I failed to cherish those things, even though I knew they are temporary; relative to time, as everything in this earthly life. On the same note the seemingly bad things do not last forever either. The clouds bring much needed rain to a farmer's parched fields. the storm is followed by a magnificent rainbow, reminding us of God's promise from so long ago. Some things, like stormy weather, appear to be "bad", but when we see the big picture we see the benefits it brings. and we know that behind those dark clouds the sun is shining and unseen to us there is a silver lining.

What thy hand finds to do, do it with thy might.

I once dated a man, with whom I was afraid to hold hands. Not because I was shy but because I knew my hands were rough and callused instead of soft and smooth. I was looking at the scars and marks on my hands the other day. I am no longer embarrassed by their roughness, because I know the stories behind it. I look at the marks and I see the long days in the field and nights where I didn't get enough sleep. I see a steady hand on the steering wheel, gentleness to teach a goat kid to suck, and pat a babies back, and strength to pull ropes tight and hold boards in place to nail. I see fingernails that will never be manicured because they need to be short so I don't nick a vegetable, scratch a cows teat, or catch on equipment and get ripped off. I see places where I have scars from accidentally cutting myself when I intended to cut a plant stem, and I know I learned the hard way that a sharp knife is less dangerous than a dull one. I feel the bumpy ridge where the bones knit themselves back together when I got wrapped up in the collar chain of a cow I was determined to be more stubborn than even though she weighed at least 8 times more than me. I remember that day like it was yesterday and almost laugh at myself for not realizing how badly I was bleeding till I saw the look on my friend's face when he saw it. I feel the stiffness in my knuckles on the frosty mornings, ruefully reminding me of all the times I should have worn gloves and didn't. My trigger finger goes numb when I hunt, taking me back to a summer day in the blueberry patch when I tried to "fix" my flip-flop and folded the knife up on my finger. The wounds have healed and the scars faded. I currently have "reminders" that I am learning to respect the wood stove and the stacks of firewood that I need to keep the house cozy. 

I look at my hands once again and see that God put in me strength and willingness for the tasks that lie ahead, may I do them with my might.

Listen to the waves of the ocean...

This same Jesus who walked the sea of Galilee and stilled the raging storm with 3 simple words...still controls the might ocean.

From frothy angry waves to gentle lapping kisses along the shore...what a beautiful illustration of his Grace. 

Letting summer leaves go...

Welcome home, Rugie!

Settling in at Somerset.

So here I am. It has been a very fast -paced two months working and living at somerset farm. I am excited about all the new things I am learning and experiencing. Every day I choose to be brave, to pull myself up by my bootstraps and face whatever comes my way. Sometimes I feel invincible other times I feel incredibly small, but mostly I feel happy. It is a good feeling when you know you are following God's plan for your life. Exciting, a little scary and blessed: knowing that tomorrow when I get out of bed he goes before and prepares the way! Where God leads he provides! Blessings!

Challenging my palate

Here at Somerset Farm I am reaping the benefits of the 'seconds'. Vegetables  that have a blemish or leftovers from market. In addition to the vast array of veggies I already love, I have discovered radicchio, napa (a kind of cabbage), bitter melons (nasty), yard long beans (that aren't a yard long neither are they beans for that matter.), and ....okra! Recipe suggestions anyone?