Hello from the hibernating hermit.

 

With the church program and Christmas shopping behind me, my days have been anchored to the farm here. I have been working slowly but surely, trying to take care of the majority of things before Winter descends upon the valley in earnest and I fly off to celebrate the new year in Bolivia.

I have found homes for all the kittens, laid in a small store of feed, tried to shut up the barn against the cold southern wind, and trying to anticipate any needs that could arise while I am in the southern hemisphere. Of late the mornings find me shuffling through papers, finances and checking in with my fitness group. I should read the stack of books that kind friends have lent me and have probably despaired of ever seeing again. Still when I sit down to read I feel restless and unfocused, like I should be doing something instead of just sitting here relaxing into the pages of unrealistic fantasies. It is about the same when I have time off, like I should be rushing about doing something, anything.  

 The very stillness I once treasured now seems to haunt me. The saying "you are who you are when you are all alone" has echoed relentlessly in my mind especially in the past 3 months. On the flip side of the coin, constant solitude interrupted only periodically can cause you to dwell on yourself too much and you must fight to achieve balance so you do not become bitter and cynical. Strengths and flaws equally reveal themselves in the moments of silence. I have found that even when I am out amongst people the camaraderie and sense of belonging evade me. I have never invested in the social circle, always too busy working and I now find that my efforts to blend in are fruitless. Embracing what sets me apart, I sit back and contemplatively study the people and events that surround me. I watch the world go by, they do not realize what they miss when they are constantly chasing what the do not have. While it is commendable to pursue dreams and ambitions, they fail to find the peace and solid foundation that is found in the quiet moments of examination and self discovery.

 

Hunting in a winter wonderland.

Happy Thanksgiving from a fridged tree stand. Counting my blessings by the bags of meat in the freezer not the number of antler points on his head. Thank you GOD!

Christmas is coming around again.

The Christmas Cactus is going all out this year, apparently it like its new location on the kitchen window sill. A light dusting of snow is covering the yard as I type, putting me in the mood for decorating, Christmas music and baking. Last year I didn't care if the season came or went, I only did the necessary expected traditions. Really if I was banking on circumstances this would be the year to be depressed but some unseen hand of hope is keeping me positive. Soon I will drag the lights out of storage and see how many strands I have to replace. I have written my newsletter and it is now waiting to be proofed and typed. My miniature tree awaits its ornamentation on the inside porch near Ruger's kennel. I don't believe I'll use strung popcorn or cranberries though or Ruger will end up in trouble and the tree would be devoid of it's adornment. Maybe snowflakes and snowballs, we'll see. Maybe a little something in the milkhouse too! Shhh don't tell my boss, it'll be our little secret!

 
The

Fitness for the farm.

 

So the picture of Green slime is sure to grab some of y'alls attention, but I ask you to bear with me and not write me off as some kind of eccentric nut that has jumped off the deep end. With all my critters and living in semi-hermitage the eccentric part may not be too far off, but all I ask is that you hear me out. 

When I moved to my own place my eating habits went haywire. I was getting used to a new schedule, trying to afford groceries and discovered that I hated cooking unless I had someone to complain about what I was fixing. Over the summer things went from bad to worse as I got busier with the demand of the season. In October, my friend and fellow worker left on a 9 month mission trip, leaving me with more responsibilities and tasks to accomplish. Most of it I didn't mind doing but I quickly found my strength insufficient and my stamina exhausted. My knees were bothering me again and I was constantly tired. During this time my sister got me addicted to pinterest, where I met two girls who liked my fitness board. Up until then my motivation was about nil and I'd only made a few attempts at increasing my activity levels. So I started trying a bit harder, the lack of sunshine combatted my efforts to get out and walk Ruger. Then one of the Girls invited me to do a clean eating challenge for 5 days. It was such a short amount of time that I  decided to commit to it. It was not as hard as I'd expected and I enjoyed the accountability to the group. When the time was fulfilled I had a party to attend and ate like I had prior to the challenge. BIG MISTAKE! I felt awful. I had not experienced the cleanse symptoms many have on the challenge, but I felt the effects when I stopped. I know that working in peoples homes I cannot totally eliminate all the filler food that makes me feel so toxic but, if I continue eating fresh, wholesome, local food when I am home, I can feel so much better. So I am making small steps to nourish my body not just fill it up. My health is worth the investment. I AM WORTH IT. I need to be strong.  That is where the green slime comes in the picture. Vitamins are better derived from your food instead of the form of supplementation. Greens are a powerhouse of nutrition and I have an abundance of cold-hardy varieties in my garden. I get tired of eating salads and I'd heard if people using them in their smoothies, so I thought I would try it. using the basic recipes from the challenge and Bulk Herb Store videos I concocted something that tasted awesome with no evil additives, chock full of vitamins and nutrients and passing the taste critic's skepticism.

 

3 rough chopped green leaves

1 banana

1/4 c. greek yogurt

 1/2 c. frozen blueberries

1/2 c. pineapple and juice

6-8 ice cubes

Blend. If you need more liquid add some more juice.

 

I'm gonna farm, woman strong!

Bittersweet

Today was productive but hard, leaving me feeling accomplished sad and exhausted. Getting things in order for my upcoming absence. Ruger got his first rabies vaccine. I took Peepster to his new home with John M's chickens. And bid goodbye to miss Mayberry. Her CAE test was positive and she has been growing increasingly uncomfortable so I chose the merciful and hard decision to let her go. Still reeling from the loss of my buck Spot last week, I can't help but feel that life is not quite fair. Tired. Tired of trying so hard to be strong, capable and efficient and only resulting in failure. I am backed against the wall and I have no choice but to fight and so I do. Still, I have this unnerving feeling that the greatest battle is waged against myself.