Here I stand at the Crossroads...

...So much has happened in a very short amount of time. Life can change so quickly, suddenly without warning. I have not posted in a long time. I'm going to say that I took a sabbatical but, the truth of the matter is I have been very busy. Too busy to let the words form and flow from my heart to heal the hurts and soothe my rumpled thoughts. In a quick recap since my last post: Sarah and I were in a car wreck, from which she had a broken collarbone.

 I started leading a Fitness encouragement group, Fit to Farm, via facebook. I actually went on my first date in almost two years, but it didn't work out. I discovered that you can choose to love anybody but there is nothing that can compare to that soul connection, even if you have a lot in common you can't make that spark happen. I spent about a week of intense sewing creating my brother John's wife Kasie's Wedding Dress! Now I am taking a brief break before jumping into the work of the coming season.

For the month of April I am trying to focus on honing in on God's will for my life. As you may have noticed, I changed the title of the blog. This is because I no longer have goats, or cows for that matter. I want to be able to use my passion for farming to impact people, young farmers, the Bolivians, children and adults alike. I want to learn how to farm better. I feel a great burden that is lightened by the peace in my heart. It is as though God is uprooting me and shaking off the dirt, preparing me for what is coming next and sending so many confirmations in my life. Please keep me in your prayers as I research agriculture schools and prepare for this next step in my life. 

Mi gatito!

Katniss is just a slight bit spoiled! And just so everyone understands, katniss owns me. Lol.

Bolivia: Land where I left my heart.

The pictures do not do it justice and words do not suffice. The throbbing ache of my heart and the swirling whirlwind of raw emotions disrupt the monotonous life I have returned to. I drift through my tasks as if on autopilot. The world keeps moving on around me and it all seems so self-centered. Although nothing has physically changed, when I walk around my house I feel like a stranger. I talk to acquaintances and come away wondering at the frivolous things we fill our lives with. Where did we go wrong? When did we lose our vision?  

When did we close our eyes to their needs? When did we forget that we are supposed to shine unto them? We are the city on a hill, a beacon of love and truth, arms for the broken-hearted, eyes for the blind and lost. The only grace a stranger may ever experience.

Lord, give me your heart.

Some times God speaks in a still small voice.

...To visit the fatherless and the widows in their affliction...

Making marmalade

On the wee hours of this morning I could be found ladling piping hot marmalade into the 32nd jar. Taking a deep breath of relief that the first four batches were complete. My culinary assistant had long since dozed off and the multiple cups of coffee were losing their power to keep my eyes open. One third of the citrus is soaking still waiting to be turned into gel. (A process that takes almost 2 hours.) My kitchen smelled so heavenly fresh and I do believe the temperature was above 80° for once. I believe I would like to keep a jam pot constantly bubbling now! Thank you to my dear new Zealand friend and her mum for the gift of her delightful recipe.

Hello from the hibernating hermit.

 

With the church program and Christmas shopping behind me, my days have been anchored to the farm here. I have been working slowly but surely, trying to take care of the majority of things before Winter descends upon the valley in earnest and I fly off to celebrate the new year in Bolivia.

I have found homes for all the kittens, laid in a small store of feed, tried to shut up the barn against the cold southern wind, and trying to anticipate any needs that could arise while I am in the southern hemisphere. Of late the mornings find me shuffling through papers, finances and checking in with my fitness group. I should read the stack of books that kind friends have lent me and have probably despaired of ever seeing again. Still when I sit down to read I feel restless and unfocused, like I should be doing something instead of just sitting here relaxing into the pages of unrealistic fantasies. It is about the same when I have time off, like I should be rushing about doing something, anything.  

 The very stillness I once treasured now seems to haunt me. The saying "you are who you are when you are all alone" has echoed relentlessly in my mind especially in the past 3 months. On the flip side of the coin, constant solitude interrupted only periodically can cause you to dwell on yourself too much and you must fight to achieve balance so you do not become bitter and cynical. Strengths and flaws equally reveal themselves in the moments of silence. I have found that even when I am out amongst people the camaraderie and sense of belonging evade me. I have never invested in the social circle, always too busy working and I now find that my efforts to blend in are fruitless. Embracing what sets me apart, I sit back and contemplatively study the people and events that surround me. I watch the world go by, they do not realize what they miss when they are constantly chasing what the do not have. While it is commendable to pursue dreams and ambitions, they fail to find the peace and solid foundation that is found in the quiet moments of examination and self discovery.